Fear itself
by saturnssons
Summary: Brian doesn't know if his Sunshine is alive or dead after hearing news of the bomb. He must take the agonizing drive back to Babylon, not knowing what awaits him.


**I know it's probably been written about a million times but I wanted to explore what it would have been like for Brian after hearing about the bomb, the fear he must have been going through, knowing that all his loved ones could be potentially be dead. I'd love any feedback :)**

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><p>When I first heard the news, my body froze, like time itself had truly stopped. But this was no poetic bullshit, exaggerating the situation. To me, time became a distance memory and all I could do was listen in muted horror as an announcement came over the radio.<p>

"This just in from WDBX news there's been an explosion at Babylon, a local gay club, where a political fundraiser was under way tonight. Authorities fear there may be many injuries, possibly fatalities."

_Fatalities._

The reporter said this word in a stone cold voice, barely reflecting any of the terror that coursed throughout my entire body at that moment.

"Turn around." I shouted to the taxi driver who shot me a pointed look. "Now!"

He took a sharp turn, skidding across the road until we were facing the other direction, racing towards the destruction instead of away.

The reporter continued to inform listeners about what was happening at Babylon, but I barely heard him. A single image in my mind had my full and undivided attention.

Sunshine.

I didn't know what I would do if anything happened to him, the very thought of him, being hurt, possibly even dea-

No. I wouldn't allow myself to think that way.

But I couldn't help the images that flickered through my brain. He had already lived through so much and now this? It was too much to handle for even the most stable of minds.

"Could you hurry it the fuck up please!" I shouted but there was no real emotion in it. I felt hollow inside, unable to erase the thought of him being hurt, if he were injured so badly that he would have to go to hospital.

I remembered the first time I ever saw him, ironically on Liberty Avenue. To anyone else, especially Michael, Emmett and Theodore, it looked like he was just another trick that I was picking up.

Back then, I was probably thinking the same thing.

But even though I had fucked my fair share of guys over the years, something about Justin was different. Perhaps it was his innocence, the fact that he whenever he smiled, it caused nearly everyone around him to reply with their own smile.

Maybe it was that despite his obvious fear when entering my loft for the first time, the moment I poured water all over myself and asked if he was coming or going, he walked ahead anyway, not knowing what lay ahead.

And now, because I had decided to be a fucking do gooder and lend Babylon to my friends for their fundraiser to stop Prop 14, I could very well be the death of him.

My fists, balled at my sides, were ready to punch through something. I just had to calm myself.

I knew Sunshine and Sunshine was smart. He would survive.

My thoughts abruptly came to halt as we turned onto Liberty Avenue and Babylon came into sight, each and every one of my worse nightmares becoming a reality.

Smoke flared from outside the entrance as ambulance, fire engines and cop cars all blocked the road, fire fighters trying futilely to douse the flames that engulfed the side of the building.

Dozens of panic-stricken people ran around in circles, searching for the loved ones, seeking shelter, trying to get out of the chaos.

Their faces were marred with soot and dirt, and I watched in silence as people were being pulled away on stretchers, some covered with a thin white sheet, crimson blood staining every surface in sight.

I got out of the car, taking a second to absorb everything around me, to really let it sink.

I glanced around numbly, trying to find a sliver of familiar blonde hair in the endless cloud of smoke but there was nothing.

I took a few steps forward, feeling as if I might crumple to the ground any second.

Then, I saw his mother, and a small glimmer of hope ignited within me, thinking he may be with Jennifer.

"Jennifer? Jennifer…Jennifer." I ran up to her, and stared in disbelief, as she bled in front of me, her boyfriend covering her in a blanket.

Sunshine was no where to be seen.

"Oh my god, Brian."

"Are you okay?" I asked, the smoke coming from the building already taking effect on me.

"I'm fine." She paused and the expression on her face echoed mine exactly. "Justin's still in there. You gotta find him."

And that was all it took.

I spun around, not caring who I knocked out of the way and raced to the entrance, desperately shoving past everyone who was trying to escape.

I had to find him. I had to find my Sunshine.

Once inside, devastation had clearly taken hold of everything as a scatter of bodies lay around me, some still moaning, others frightfully still.

Most of the lights had been shattered in the explosion, with sparks above still illuminating the destruction in a sickeningly cruel way.

I covered my mouth with the sleeve and began searching for him, ignoring the firemen when they told everyone who was able to leave the building.

"JUSTIN!" I screamed, hoping to hear a reply that would reassure me he was okay but there was nothing.

"JUSTIN!" I continued forward then noticed the familiar silhouette of Theodore, leaning over someone.

Again, my hopes flared as I thought it could have been Justin but as I got closer, I saw it was only his date.

Panic welled within me once more and I grabbed Theodore from behind.

"Ted. Ted? Ted! What the fuck happened!"

He looked half dazed, as if still trying to comprehend it himself. "I…I don't know."

"Have you seen Justin?" I asked more hurriedly

He shook his head and I turned away from him, unwillingly letting my gaze drop below at the bodies strewn across the floor like old rag dolls. However, I couldn't help myself and saw a sea of shattered glass reflected back at me. I prayed to who ever the fuck was listening that I wouldn't see Justin lying down there next to them.

A woman's shoe, splattered with blood, lay in the ruins as nearby someone was being covered with a thin white sheet.

Above on the catwalk, where once men danced to the beat of the music, now lay a man, his body disfigured from the explosion.

I rushed forward, just as a shower of sparks rained above and saw the single most beautiful sight.

Justin stood, cowering from the shower of spike as they threatened to pierce his skin, leaning against one of the fireman for support.

Like everyone else, he was completely covered in soot, with a large gash streaked across his forehead and blood pouring from it.

I walked towards him as he caught sight of me, then pulled him tightly against my chest, briefly considering never letting him go ever again.

But I had to and it almost killed me.

I cupped his face in my hands and stared him in the eyes.

"Are you hurt?" I asked, but Justin quickly brushed me off, lessening the severity of his wounds.

"No, it's just some scratches. Have you seen my mom?" He asked.

"She's okay. She's outside. She's looking for you." I reassured him as Emmett came up behind him.

"There you are baby. Thank god, I was worried sick." I glanced at him, a new fear replacing the old as I realised who was missing.

"Have you seen Michael?" I asked but when he didn't respond, I screamed it at him again.

"Em?" Justin asked.

"Emmett!"

And then my world nearly stopped.


End file.
